Thursday, September 18, 2008

Goodbye

Finally the exams over!! After 3 weeks of horrible studying, finally I can relax!!

Well, that's what I thought.





The last time I went to visit my mother-side grandma at muar, she was already as skinny as she could ever be.

My aunt told me that she could no longer walk.

She can't eat vegetables, she can't eat solid food, all she eats is porridge, every meal, every day.

And how does she pass her time? By staring at the ceiling.

When I went to see her at her bed side, she just stared at me with those bright eyes of hers. Oh yeah she can't talk too.

And her memory has gone bad.

It's sad to see her just lying on the bed, can't do the thing she wants, can't eat whatever she wants - when she still can walk she sneaks into the kitchen to get herself food that she's not suppose to eat. lol She can't talk, she looks as if she has so many things that she wanna say, but she just couldn't.

She has the most brightest eyes I had ever seen, even though she's weak and skinny, she still looks really energetic, I mean, she's not like the other old people who looks old and weak and tired, she's full of energy, but her body limits her movement and needs.


After we went home from the visit, my dad told me, and I had the same thought, that we rather see her leave this world, than to remain alive to suffer, living her life with no meaning at all.




So today after my last exam, I received an sms from my dad, asking me to call after my exam ends.




She was gone.



Even though I had prepared for this, there was tears in my eyes. I thought I want her to leave, but when now she's gone...

She's really gone..


I went to celebrate the end of exams with my friends though, trying make myself happy, so that I could send her off with a smile.

But when I went home, I realised that she was really gone. My grandma, gone.

One of the regrets that I had in my life is - I'm unable to speak with her with hokkien, which is her language. Everytime she tries to talk to me, in hokkien, I will look at her and have no idea what she's talking about, and she's talk to me in mandarin. Sigh.



My dad told me she had left in her sleep, which is a very good thing 'cause I never wanna see her in pain before she pass away. Finally, she is free from this horrible life.


To end this post, this song is for you.

Tears - X-Japan




Goodbye, dear grandma.


CNY 2007


You will always remain in my heart.


Kei

P/S: I'll be off to Muar tomorrow. However my blog will still update though. lol




4 comments:

curryegg said...

*hugs*

Kei.. I'm sorry to hear that.. My granny has passed away 3 months ago and I understand how you feel. Gone mean gone forever... however, never let your memories with her gone. Treasure them...

Be strong girl..
*hugs*

shVon said...

hey dear Kei.. *hugz!!!*~

Hurley said...

go play nintendo with her! =)

=::~+Reiko+~::= said...

Yikes... Reminds me when both my grandparents pass away...
Horrible memories for me...
Still heartache till today T_T

 
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